Shendron managed to bite his wife's - or should that be ex-wife - ear, and with a twist of his head, he threw her off and she bobbed away on the pebbles, coming to a very messy haired halt. "She seems so stupid and filthy." He thought to himself.
"Well, I hope you are off your head with joy at your stupid, moronic, unintelligent, dim-witted, foolish, idiotic, unwise and ill-advised ploy at killing me!!!"
"His wife was trying to roll closer and had her teeth bared, making her intent clear.
"DO you want to bite me to death? How silly! Well, I'll just spit in your eyes, shall I? That way you can't see me, and you have no hands to wipe it off with!" With that he hawked and spat and a big loogie was projected at her, hitting her in the eyes, and effectively making her blind!
"Ha-ha! You silly wench! You are blind now, and it's your own entire fault."
"No, it's your Snot's fault!"
"What does my slug have to do with this?"
"You have always paid IT more attention than ME! You worked the way for me to end up here! I made the choice to side with your mom, because your stupid pet slug was not the kind of thing I wanted to compete with attention for! Besides, she promised not to hurt you."
"Haven't you learnt anything from watching too many plays you old cow? You NEVER trust the promises of an evil genius! ESPECIALLY not a mother in law! I mean - duh! That's so typical of you, you ignorant be-ach!"
"I know, but I thought that the plays were all cliché and that she was really true, but when she gave that evil cackle, before lopping my head off with the garden scissors, I suppose I realized how wrong I was. So, what do we do now?"